“Any social situation can be described as both a communication system and as a deference-emotion system. The first system enables speakers to make their thoughts known to each other and the second, their evaluation of each other’s status.” (Inger-Liese Lien, Norwegian Center for Violence and Traumatic Stress Studies)

The problem is that people negotiate a language for the first but not for the second (they may not even be consciously aware of it). Go to Japan, and you would probably find the culture even more carefully polite in the way that irritates you; come to Holland, and you would probably find the frankness refreshing!