“no” is a perfectly acceptable answer
Lately, I am increasingly annoyed with people assuming that a lack of an answer means a “no” when they are invited to do something. Well, it isn’t! A lack of an answer means (surprise!) a lack of an answer. I’d much rather hear a “no, I won’t come to your lousy party even if you served the last drink on earth” than a silenced cop-out. At least I know where I stand.
People are embarrassed/shy/uncomfortable saying “no” in general, for some odd reason. Delaying a “no”, or not giving it at all, hoping that everything will just magically go away — like kids closing their eyes assuming no one can see them anymore — is disrespectful for the other person’s time and effort. Yes, I believe that saying “no” is a sign of respect only second to a “yes”, of course (unless it is a “courtesy invite”, but that’s another matter), while non-answer is, you guessed it, insulting.
I don’t require a reason. I don’t care. Why do people feel obliged to give an, often made-up and unimaginative, excuse to weasel out of something they don’t want to do? I long for the day where I can comfortably say “Nah, don’t feel like it” (those who know me already know that I often do it anyway, but it is socially unaccepted and considered impolite, especially around relative strangers, and I end up looking like a weirdo).
So, for those of you that interact with me… say “no” without the excuse and I promise to never-ever-ever-ever be insulted or ask why. But for goodness sake, do it quick.
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:17 am
A quick sociology quote:
“Any social situation can be described as both a communication system and as a deference-emotion system. The first system enables speakers to make their thoughts known to each other and the second, their evaluation of each other’s status.” (Inger-Liese Lien, Norwegian Center for Violence and Traumatic Stress Studies)
The problem is that people negotiate a language for the first but not for the second (they may not even be consciously aware of it). Go to Japan, and you would probably find the culture even more carefully polite in the way that irritates you; come to Holland, and you would probably find the frankness refreshing!
March 22nd, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Nick, let’s not forget where I am from! ;)
April 19th, 2007 at 3:53 am
hey saar,
how’s it going in jolly england ?
-Mike